Why Pre is Better than Re

In most things that pose any kind of threat to us--health, safety, financial security, we know it's better to prevent bad things from happening rather than redo them. We take care of ourselves to stay healthy, we lock our doors and set alarms, we save money for retirement. I wish we practiced it more with school discipline.

A fantastic article, "Beyond Zero Tolerance: Achieving a Balance in School Discipline" points out the flaws of our current take on school discipline, hearkening to the 1990s, when certain incidents of violence provoked sometimes radical fears. Those fears led to schools "cracking down" on discipline by expelling and even arresting kids for behaviors that "would not be tolerated". What we know now as "zero tolerance."

Intolerance Makes Us All Zeroes

From women's rights to civil rights, the idea of being tolerant makes us all better human beings. But, the facts are this: "after 15 years, extensive reviews of the literature by researchers and professional organizations such as the American Psychological Association have found no evidence that increasing suspensions does what it has intended and no evidence that expulsions improve student behavior or guarantee school safety. In fact, schools that employ more suspensions and expulsions have poorer ratings of school climate and school safety, higher rates of racial disparity in discipline, and lower scores on academic achievement tests."

Disciplining children, especially those with special needs, sometimes by taking away the very things they need most, inclusion, recess and education...doesn't work. Doesn't that seem like a no brainer? Hmmm...let's punish these kids who clearly have some underlying cause to their behavioral manifestations:

• Probable lack of social skills=Day in the office alone. Silent lunch. No recess...That sure helps with social skills...
• Typically overweight due to preference of video games over physical activity=No recess. No play time...No brains on the part of the school!
• Possible learning deficit due to disability=expulsion. No learning happening there, folks!
• Economic strife that may have led to behavioral manifestations=Gee, let's suspend that kid so his mom has to stay home and not go to work...therefore, she'll make less money and it'll cause more stress!

I fully understand the need to teach consequences. But, I wish we focused more energy on preventing the action from occurring in the first place.

When I was rallying for my own son, I thought of so many kids, those with special needs and neurotypical kids, who fall through the cracks. I witnessed it. I volunteering in one Ben's classes. It was an inclusion class, meaning there were a range of kids with varied learning and social issues. As the teacher was sternly trying to get the kids to attend to a video, I saw a child in the back of the room picking on another student. The young girl sitting quietly across from us saw it too. She tried to get the teacher's attention to tell her what was happening, but the teacher told her to be quiet and not interrupt. She tried again and the warning got louder. The girl tried to explain she was only trying to help and I even spoke up. This girl, who was trying to do the right thing, curled into a ball on the floor in the corner, took off her glasses and started to cry. I went to her and said, "you did the right thing. Be proud of yourself." It's a trite example, but what would happen if we just started to listen? What would happen if we got to the root of the problem and tried to prevent it from getting worse?

Turning From Zero to Hero

In 2011, Education Secretary Duncan and Attorney General Holder launched the Supportive School Discipline Initiative to "support the use of school discipline practices that foster safe, supportive, and productive learning environments while keeping students in school."

It's working. Schools have begun to reduce exclusionary discipline by replacing it with ways to teach positive behavior. In the Denver school system, the Restorative Justice initiative focuses on shifting from punishing individuals after wrongdoing to repairing harm and preventing reocurrence. 

Special needs children with behavioral challenges have certain safeguards under the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act (IDEA). Parents facing this issue should have this in their arsenal. Procedures such as a Functional Behavior Analysis and a Behavior Intervention Plan (emphasis on the word Intervention!) are critical tools to advocate for your child. Know your rights and help teachers and administrators realize misbehavior is not often something your child can control. Disciplining the child for something they may not even remember or understand is useless. Helping them to find ways to cope and learn teaching positive behavioral strategies...priceless. 

Let Your Freak Flag Fly! A Lesson for Everyone

In our house, this is a motto. It comes from one of my favorite movies, The Family Stone. Fly Your Freak Flag. In the movie, Meredith (Sarah Jessica Parker) is an uptight New York overachiever about to marry the wrong man. She travels to meet her intended's family, which escalates to a  'get-me-out-of-the-house' holiday gathering. She escapes, courtesy of her impending bro-in-law (Luke Wilson, yes...he's damn cute. Carry on) and goes a bit cray cray and unbuttons her nun-like couture to let 'er rip. You know...drunken bar dancing a la Elaine on Seinfeld.

My point? Leading up to that moment is one of my favorite lines ever. "You have a freak flag. You just don't fly it." (Thanks, Luke).

This movie came out a year after Ben was born. I had no idea of the effect of that particular line, but I liked it. What impacted me more was the relationship of the grown children in the movie with their dying mother. Now, at this point, my own mother would wait another five years to die of cancer and a related cardiac arrest, but at this point in our lives, she's just pulled out of a burst aortic aneurysm, that led to emergency open heart surgery, which she miraculously survived.

My long-winded point is, that motto sort of saved me many times. Ben remembered it. We'd be in public places, movies, parks, events, etc, and if the music moved him, he'd just get up and dance. And I LOVED it. I relished it. I joined in it.

His older brother was mortified at times. He'd yell at me and be embarrassed, but I kept reminding him that some day, although there is now way he can see it now at age 12, he'd laugh and feel love and happiness at these silly, unconscious moments we all we wish we had more of. I'm guilty...I thrive on routine for the sake of gettin' it done on time. But in reality, I love to let my freak flag fly. Caretakers, this doesn't mean, go get high or drunk and relieve yourself of the sometime burdens of having a kid on the spectrum. It means...find a way to relate. Find a way to let their freak flag fly and never, ever be ashamed of it.

Wright's Law and Other Important Resources

Welcome to the world of acronyms. OMG, there's so much to know. :)
In dealing with all of the issues we had during Ben's 4th grade year, I did a ton of research, met with special ed lawyers, went to the school board, etc.

The most important source of information for me was Wright's Law. This is the Holy Grail of advocacy and legal rights of special needs children. The site, along with books, videos and many other resources are the work of Pete and Pam Wright. Pete is a special needs attorney and Pam is a psychotherapist.

Their website has information about anything and everything you need, but for my purposes, the case law regarding education was a lifesaver. I learned everything I could about FAPE (Free and Appropriate Education), IDEA (Individuals with Disabilities Education Act), more about IEPs than I ever knew and other critical parental protection rights.

I was armed and ready and it served me well. In the end, I decided to pull Ben out of public school because I thought it was in his best interest, but I fought for his rights and made sure the administration knew kids were slipping through the cracks and being misunderstood and unfairly punished for misbehavior that is a manifestation of their disability. This ruling and ability to have a Manifestation Determination Review (MDR) is something every parent facing any kind of issue with the school system should know inside out.

There are a lot of other laws and processes you should know if you don't already, including information about Functional Behavior Assessments (FBA) and Behavior Intervention Plans (BIP).

I'll be posting a list of other really great resources.