The Motive. Part Two.

I've been wanting to start a blog about our experiences with autism and Aspergers since my son, Ben, was diagnosed at age two. He's 10 now. I should add right now that he, along with his older brother, are the loves of my life. His brother is neurotypical. The opposite in many ways--loves sports, is very mature,etc. And, while I love them both powerfully and equally, it's my Ben who has taught me so much about life and how to live. That's the gift these kids give us.

As many moms of kids with special needs do, I became his advocate on day one. I was alone, since my now ex-husband chose not to come when I went for the test results. I remember sitting in the doctor's office, trying to hold it together, wondering why he'd just handed my a box of tissue as he was stoically reading his test results. Autism. The word hit me like a brick. We knew he had a speech delay and sensory integration disorder. But, that diagnosis sealed the deal. I gathered all of the paperwork, all of the referrals for doctors, therapists, play groups, etc., and went out to my car and cried. Make that balled. For 20 minutes. I called my mom, who has since passed, and let it all out.

After the tears ended, I went to work. I began to researched everything I could. I've read countless books, went through training, attended every therapy--I'm guessing they are in the thousands now. I'm sure most moms reading this can relate.

The biggest problem I've encountered so far came last year. I considered myself relatively lucky as a parent of an HFA/ADHD (the dreaded 'co-morbid' syndrome). From pre-school on, Ben was placed where he should have been. Inclusion pre-school and pre-K prepped him well. Then, he went into an inclusion kindergarten class, and something magic happened. He thrived. He did so well, his teachers recommended less services. The next year, he did well again. Third grade presented some struggles as his dad and I divorced that year, but again, he had an amazing teacher that transcended most of that experience. Then came fourth grade. I did everything I could. I wrote countless background emails. Helped in the class when I could. Asked the teachers to speak to his third grade teacher. Nothing seemed to help. He got in trouble a lot. A LOT. He was suspended so many times I had to meet with a lawyer. I'll elaborate more on that later.

This is why Ben's school exists. This is why my friend and Ben's former OT does what she does. It's why Wright's Law was established and why the website and following has gained national acclaim. It's why parents need to be better equipped to fight for their kids. The term "slipped through the cracks" is becoming more prevalent with our kids and public school. We're fixing the cracks a bit at a time.

The Motive

I was surprisingly reminded this week of why I started this blog--one I've been meaning to start for a long time. Ben had a refresher SCUBA (read more here about the benefits of SCUBA for HFA kids) class tonight, and he ended up being in the class with one of his new schoolmates from his new school, Cumberland Academy in Sandy Springs, GA. It's a small school we were incredibly blessed to find this year that specializes in teaching kids with Aspergers and ADHD.

At the beginning of the class, I hear this exchange:
Ben: "Nicholas!"
Nicholas: "Ben! Oh my Gosh!"

And they explained to the SCUBA instructor (stay tuned for another post on this phenomenon) how they know each other from their new school. I hear this across the pool and I'm beaming. Not only does my son have a friend who enjoys his favorite new pastime, he clearly has some of the same challenges as Ben. I immediately looked around for Nicholas's parents so I can commiserate. I met his dad at the end of the class and we began talking about why we chose Cumberland: Things changed at age 9...teachers couldn't figure it out...he was getting in trouble for things he couldn't control..social skills were causing behavior issues. Sound familiar?

This blog's primary purpose is to help the parents and kids In the Meantime. The title of the blog comes from the song, but was inspired from a church service I attended recently that talked about what to do In the Meantime. When things aren't going as planned. When you feel stuck and helpless. We have had a lot of ups and downs in our journey with Ben. Last year was a big down in school. It led me on a journey in which I learned a lot. I hope to share all of that information here.
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