Aspergers and 4th Grade: Our Quicksilver (part 1)

I call it the quicksilver year because it's the year everything changed so rapidly. Although I believe there were many contributing factors, I ended up concluding it just happens. I got further proof this was an actuality when I decided to pull Ben out of public school to stop the suffering all around. I researched several schools and found one I thought was almost perfect. When I went to meet the headmaster I knew it was the one. I asked her why she started the school and she began to tell me the story of her son, who is on the spectrum. "Everything was going ok until fourth grade..." You can guess the rest. Something happens...particularly with boys. Social skills, friendships, anxiety...all factor in to what becomes "bad behavior".

Ben's 4th grade year:

Number of suspensions: 4
Number of days out of school: 12
Number of times I was called, texted, notified: too many
Number of days I nearly lost it: way too many

Up until 4th grade, Ben was coping ok. Well, from kindergarten to third grade, he was better than ok. He moved from inclusion preschool to a mainstreamed kindergarten class since he'd done so well academically and behaviorally. We were blessed with two amazing kindergarten teachers, a lead teacher who herself had a child with special needs and a parapro who was getting her degree in special ed at the time. It was magical. Ben thrived, had fun and had such a happy environment he learned so much.

First grade went fairly well, too. His teacher was a very calm and nurturing person. Although he did start to show some "behavior" issues and I use parentheses around behavior, because anyone with a child with Aspergers will tell you behavioral issues are a typically a manifestation of the spectrum. From an early age, I have tried to explain to everyone, from family members, to friends, to teachers (yes teachers), the difference between bad behavior and meltdowns, It's tough, because as I'm sure many parents will attest, you find yourself yelling at your own kid sometimes thinking "I know you know the difference." The thing is, they may. But, they may not be able to process or control their emotions at the moment. And, we know when anxiety kicks in, it makes it worse.